10 ways it’s tough to be a separated dad in Australia
There are more than half a million separated dads with dependant children in Australia, and many are facing a range of health and social challenges.
While family separation impacts many people irrespective of gender, as a men’s health charity, the Australian Men's Health Forum is particularly concerned with the wellbeing of men and boys in separated families.
This article provides a snapshot of some of the key issues that can impact separated dads in Australia, based on data from a range of official sources.
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Before we highlight some of the challenges facing separated dad, it’s important to note that according to Australia research into the lives of separated dads:
- 64% say the relationship with their ex is friendly or co-operative
- 66% say they are highly satisfied with their relationship with their child(ren)
- 64% say they are highly satisfied with their health
- 95% have their children living with them some or all of the time
6 quick facts about separated dads
- Only 16% of separated dads have their kids living with them at least half of the time
- Most separated dads are not involved in key decisions about their children’s lives
- Separated dads are 2x more likely to be dissatisfied with life than separated mums
- Separated dads are 7x more likely to be dissatisfied with their relationship with their children
- More than 1 in 2 separated dads report experiencing physical hurt and/or emotional abuse
- 1 in 3 separated dads live in poverty
To find out more about the challenges faced by separated dads in Australia, see our 10 reasons it’s tough being a separated dad below:
1. Separated dads spend less time with their kids
Research by the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) into separated families finds a higher proportion of children in separated families living with their mothers than the census reports.
According to the AIFS, 3 in 4 separated mothers have their children living with them most or all of the time. This includes 27% of cases where children live solely with their mother and 46% of cases where they spend the majority of their time living with their mother.
In 1 in 20 cases, fathers have their children living with them most, or all of the time. This figure comprises 2% of cases where children live solely with their father and 3% of cases where they spend the majority of their time living with their father.
Around 1 in 5 separated parents (21%) share care of their children. This includes 10% of cases where children spend 35% to 47% of time in their father’s care; 2% of cases where children spend 53% to 65% of time in their father’s care and 9% of case where care is equal with children spending 48% and 52% of time with each parent.
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (October 2019)
2. Separated dads have less say in their children’s upbringing
In separated families, most dads are not involved in the majority of decisions about their children’s lives.
According to a survey of more than 5,000 separated mothers, most decisions about education (66.3%), health (78.9%), religion or cultural ties (64%), and sporting and social activity (72%), are mainly made by the mother alone.
In a smaller number of cases, separated mothers say they make decisions equally with their children’s fathers when it comes to education (28%), health (16.2%), religion or cultural ties (28.8%), and sporting and social activity (20.8%), are mainly made by the mother alone.
When separated fathers are asked the same question, a larger proportion believe they are equally involved in decision-making about education (46.3%), health (33.5%), religion or cultural ties (47.2%), and sporting and social activity (39.0%), are mainly made by the mother alone.
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (December 2009)
3. Separated dads are less satisfied with life
Longitudinal studies of separated families in Australia reveal that separated dads are more than seven times more likely to be dissatisfied with the relationships with their child(ren) than separated mums (15% v 2%). Overall, 90% of separated mums are highly satisfied with their relationship with their child(ren), compared with 66% of separated dads.
Separated dads are also twice as likely as separated mums to be dissatisfied with life as a whole (17% v 8%). Conversely, separated mums are more likely to be highly satisfied with their life (53% v 37%).
Higher proportions of separated mothers also report high levels of satisfaction with their health (67% v 64%) and their home (64% v 53%), compared to separated fathers.
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (October 2015)
4. Navigating the family law system
Around 1 in 5 separated dads end up using the family law system to resolve their case. In total around 10% use mediation services, 6% use lawyers and 3% go before the courts. The remaining 80% of cases are generally resolved through discussion between the parents or simply “just happen”.
There are three ways matters are resolved for separated dads in the family law system:
- A judge decides (adjudication)
- Parents start legal proceedings but agree prior to a trial (consent after litigation)
- Agreement through mediation (pure consent)
When parents separate, more than 90% of mums are guaranteed to have their children living with them at least half of the time (and most or all of the time in 73% of cases).
For separated dads, only 16% are guaranteed to have their children living with them at least half of the time (and most or all of the time in just 5% of cases).
In nearly 9 in 10 cases that end up in the family law system (i.e., courts, lawyers or mediation), separated dads will win either shared or sole parental responsibility. However, shared responsibility does not mean that children spend half of their time with the fathers.
For cases that go to court, only half of separated dads end up with shared or sole parental responsibility, compared with 85% of separated mums.
The vast majority of separated dads who end up with their case going to court will win an order to have at least some parental involvement in, with just 3% of dads who go to court being ordered by the court to have no face-to-face time with their children.
Source: Parenting arrangements after separation (AIFS)
However, breaches of court orders are common and recent research found that even with serious breaches of parenting orders, most dads don’t take action for a variety of reasons. In 72% of cases where a dad’s court order was breached, the most common reason given for not going back to court was that it was impractical to do so in light of repeated breaches of the order.
Source: Parenting order compliance (Anrows 2022)
5. Financial hardship
Many separated fathers experience financial hardship, with only 1 in 4 (24%) saying they are highly satisfied with their financial situation and 1 in 3 (33%) saying they are dissatisfied.
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (October 2015)
Separated dads have a household income more than 10% lower than the national average. Nearly 1 in 3 (30%) separated fathers live in poverty.
Source: Financial journeys of parents after separation (2020)
Separated fathers are nearly 14 times more likely to be liable to pay child support than separated mums. 82% v 6%
This responsibility isn’t limited to fathers whose children live with their mothers most or all of the time. Men who are liable to pay child support include:
- 91% of non-resident dads whose children live with their mums most or all of the time
- 72% of fathers with shared care
- 46% of resident fathers whose children live with them most or all of the time.
In contrast, 17% of non-resident mums, 16% of mums with shared care and 1% of resident mums are liable.
Among women, mothers with shared care who were liable to pay child support were most likely to say the system is unfair (73%), followed by resident mothers who were entitled to receive payments (47%).
A slightly different pattern was seen among men, as resident fathers whose exes were liable to pay were most likely to say the system is unfair (58%), followed by dads with shared care who were liable to pay child support (48%).
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (October 2015)
6. Risk of suicide
Relationship issues are the life crisis that is most commonly linked to suicide. The majority of men who kill themselves are either not in a relationship or recently separated and some data shows than more than half of suicides are linked to relationship problems or relationship, family, or interpersonal conflict.
In particular, separation is the biggest single relationship risk factor for men with some research showing nearly 3 in 10 male suicides are linked to separation. Men account for the majority of suicides (4 in 5) linked to separation and as many as half of all separated fathers may experience thoughts of suicide.
Source: The case for a male suicide prevention strategy (2020)
Looking at mental health more broadly, research by the Australian Institute of Family Studies has found that 2 in 3 (64.8%) separated dads say their mental health is impact by separation (e.g. increased anxiety, depression or stress).
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (December 2009)
7. Public attitudes towards caring dads
The Australian public is not generally supportive of separated dads spending equal time caring for their children. When surveyed, the question is framed as followed:
“When parents separate, one possible arrangement can be for children to spend approximately half the time with each parent. Assuming there are no safety issues, how appropriate do you think this is?”
For children under 4 years old, for example, only 1 in 4 dads and 1 in 4 mums say it’s totally appropriate for mums and dads to share care equally.
Even for older children, only a minority of mums say equal care is totally appropriate through primary school (37%) and secondary school (45%). For dads, a slight majority say equal care is appropriate for children of primary school age (51%) and secondary school age (57%).
There are stark differences in the attitudes of separated mums and dads. For example, only 26% of separated mums think it’s totally appropriate for parents to provide equal care to primary school children, rising to 40% for non-separated mums. The figures are higher still for non-separated dads (49%) and separated dads (63%). Notably, separated dads with experience of providing equal care are the most supportive group of all (79%).
When asked if they believe that the ongoing involvement of both parents is beneficial to children, more non-separated mothers (86%) support this than non-separated fathers (77%). These percentages reverse when parents experience separation. In total, 86% of separated fathers and 77% of separated mothers believe that the ongoing involvement of both parents is beneficial to children
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (December 2009)
8. Social status matters
The chances of a separated dad being involved in his child’s life is influenced by his social status, with higher levels of education and income being linked to greater involvement on average.
According to Australian research, separated dads who are educated at university level and higher are the most likely to have a shared care arrangement, with their children living with them at least 35% of the time.
Shared care is also most common among separated fathers with the highest median annual income ($45,000* to $52,000*) and separated mothers with the highest median annual income ($31,000* to $34,000*).
Conversely, the children of separated dads who left school before completing Year 12 are most likely to be living with their mums most or all of the time.
In separated families where children live 100% of the time with their mum, dads have a low median annual income of $35,000* for dads who never see their children and $40,000* for dads who only see their children in the daytime. For mums in these families, the median annual income is between $24,000* to $25,000*.
In families where dads have their children living with them, but less than 35% of the time, the median annual income is closer to dads with shared care at $49,000*. For mums in this scenario, with children living with them most of the time but spending some time living with dad, the median annual income is $27,000*.
In terms of the minority (5%) of separated families where children spend most or all of their time with the fathers, this arrangement is also most common in families where the parents left school before completing Year 12.
These families also have the lowest median annual income on average, with dads earning between $30,000 and $35,000, and mums earning between $23,000* and $26,000*
*Income based on 2008 figures.
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (December 2009)
9. Safety matters
More than 1 in 2 separated dads (53.2%) report experiencing physical hurt or emotional abuse.
1 in 6 dads (16.8%) say they were physically hurt by their partner before separated, compared to 1 in 4 mums (26%).
Most parents who experienced physical hurt also report being emotionally abused. A further 1 in 3 dads (36%) experienced emotional abuse alone, either before or during separation. The figure for mums was 39%.
After separation, parents’ safety concerns are shown to reduce significantly over time. For example, one in depth survey of separated parents found that 1.6% of dads and 3.6% of mums expressed concern for their own safety.
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (December 2009)
In another survey of separated parents, which asked a slightly different question, 4% of separated fathers and 6% of separated mothers said they were currently dissatisfied with their personal safety.
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (October 2015)
10. Relationship trouble
While the majority of separated mothers (62%) and fathers (64%) describe their relationship with each other as friendly or cooperative, more than one in three do not.
Over a third (36%) of separated dads say that the relationship with the mother of their child(ren) is either distant (19.2%), fearful (3.2%) or involves a lot of conflict (14%).
Similarly, more than a third (36%) of separated mums say that the relationship with the father of the child(ren) is distant (18.8%), fearful (6.5%) or involves a lot of conflict (13.1%).
Source: Australian Institute of Family Studies (December 2009)
How do we calculate the numbers of separated dads?
There are more than half a million separated dads in Australia with dependant children. According to the 2021 census, as of June 2022, there were 1 million one-parent families in Australia and 62.6% (652,300) had dependants. Of these, approximately 540,100 (82.8%) are single mother families and 112,200 (17.2%) are single father families.
Source: ABS Labour Force Status of Families
What about gay dads?
While the vast majority of separated dads had their children through a heterosexual relationship and are separated from the children’s mothers, there are some separated dads who were previously in a same sex couple.
Data on this group is limited; what we know is that the number of same sex couples with children is rising quickly, up from 4,000 to nearly 14,000 in a decade (2011 to 2021). The proportion of these same sex couples that are male also rose in the same period from 12% to more than 20%.
According to the 2021 census, there are now nearly 3,000 male same sex couples with children in Australia. Inevitably, some of these couples will separate over time leading to a gradual increase in the number of separated gay dads in Australia.
Source: Same sex couples in Australia (ABS 2022)
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