New Deakin University study explores ‘dad guilt’ and ‘passenger parenting’
A new Deakin University study into fatherhood has highlighted the sense of guilt and unpreparedness men feel about their new role.
Researcher Norma Barrett, a lecturer in public health and health promotion, says transition to parenthood, “brings simultaneous joy and challenges for fathers.”
Where previous research had focused on the experiences of dads up to one year post birth, she focused on reflections of fathers who were looking back at transition to parenthood.
“Diminished mental health was experienced by fathers and their partners during transition to parenthood,” reported Barrett.
“Guilt and feelings of being ill-equipped for parenthood were common.”
Difficulty adopting authentic parenting and work roles was accompanied with conflict in partner relationships.
Fathers proposed socialising and exercising as valued coping strategies. The concept ‘passenger parenting’ was coined to make sense of fathers’ lack of agency and voice.
“Fathers require support in carving out authentic parenting roles fostering active participation in decisions such as infant feeding, breadwinning across early years parenting, and understanding the longer-term changes in relationship dynamics in preparation for transition to parenthood and beyond.”
Barrett’s research was published in Journal of Family Studies. The study involved men across Australia with children aged from newborn to eight years old.
Barrett said the fathers felt like they had one chance to negotiate their work-parenting roles at the beginning of parenthood. Many fathers said they were ‘default breadwinners’ for the family.
“Most of the fathers we spoke to wanted to spend more time with their children than they originally imagined but they also felt like the ‘passenger parent’, adapting to the needs of others and not voicing their own preferences or needs for fear of burdening others,” she said.
"This often had a significant impact on their relationship with their partners and, in some cases, led to a complete breakdown of the relationship," Ms Barrett said.
Default position, sidekick parenting
In an interview with ABC Life Matters, she said some dads want to help their partners cope with sleep deprivation and breastfeeding challenges but felt “bad” that suggestions were not always welcome or helpful.
She said there was a default position where dads were the secondary or the “sidekick parent” at the beginning and could become stuck in this position as they battled with not knowing how to integrate into the parenting journey or make useful contributions.
“Compared to mothers, they tend to take a lot less time off with the result that they're straight back into work and they've got this challenge where they're trying to balance these priorities," she said.
"The dads I interviewed described this immense shift in priorities because actually a lot of dads … didn't expect how satisfying, how joyful, how much love they would feel after the arrival of their baby."
One dad interviewed on the ABC’s Life Matters, said he dealt with “dad guilt” by being helpful with practical household chores instead of “sitting on the couch and doom scrolling.”
"And I think having an open line of communication with my partner as well is really paramount to that,” said Andy Krista.
"Not necessarily addressing things when something happens but maybe … taking a pause after the dust has settled to have a conversation about something that we might disagree upon."
Ms Barrett said parenting educators had a role to play in facilitating these conversations.
"Likewise, supportive employers. They can step up as well and instigate those conversations and say, 'Look, we're going to have a chat about it prior to baby's arrival. What kind of leave are you going to take?'"
Listen to New Study looks at ‘dad guilt’ – ABC Radio National, Life Matters