New Over the Fence Conversations podcast dives into men’s lived experience of suicide
The new men’s mental health podcast Over the Fence Conversations has released a second instalment featuring R U Ok? Ambassador Glenn Cotter.
The podcast is hosted by Tynan Narywonczk from Roses in the Ocean, and Jonathan Bedloe, representing the Australian Men’s Health Forum. The pair run the National Men’s Lived Experience of Suicide Network and hold regular men’s Safe Spaces on Zoom every second Sunday from 1pm-2.30pm.
Cotter has worked in suicide prevention for many years, and was diagnosed with diabetes in 2013, a time he found himself doing a lot of hours on the road driving trucks and mentally swerving off into unsealed paths.
After confiding to his boss that he was tired, Cotter was told, “If you can’t do the job we will find someone who can.” At the age of 55, he felt useless and took an early retirement, made all the worse when his wife was diagnosed with leukemia and also unable to work.
“I went into a crash of being useless, I’d let her down when she needed me the most to support her,” he explains.
“I really struggled in my own self-worth.”
Cotter threw himself into fundraising for the McGrath Foundation, but sank deeper into depression, grieving for the loss of his elder brother – a returned vet – and watching his wife battle her illness. He experienced suicidal ideation that manifested in a bad motorcycle accident in 2015, the result of risk-taking behaviour because, “I didn’t care.”
R U Ok? ambassador Glenn Cotter.
However, Cotter realised he didn’t want to die; He very much wanted to keep going … in a different direction.
He credits a mate with helping him through, a mate who kept asking him if he was good.
“I was about to say, ‘I am okay’, then I had to stop myself and say, ‘Actually mate, I’m not good. I need help.’ That for me was the hardest thing I’d ever done.”
The best thing his mate did was let him talk.
“In speaking about it, it got it out. It felt lighter because it was coming out of my head.
“I can’t emphasise just how necessary that is. For us to not judge people, to just sit and listen. At the end of it he just gave me a hug. I’ve not felt anything like that. It was cleansing.”
Cotter tells Narywonczk and Bedloe – themselves both experienced suicide prevention facilitators, that people need to learn how to listen.
Glenn’s other tips to helping a mate through tough times:
- If you don’t have the time to have the conversation, don’t have it.
- Find somewhere comfortable to talk. For example, the beach, or on a footy oval passing the ball. Somewhere your mate feels comfortable. Don’t try and sit face to face.
- Trust your gut and ask your mate, “I just feel like something’s not right.” Don’t ask him what’s wrong with him, ask what’s happening for him and how can you help. Look him in the eye and tell him why you are concerned. “Just say, I’m genuinely a bit worried about you, is everything alright?” Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable yourself.
Over the Fence Conversations Episode 1 spoke to Scott and Paul from Spoke to a Bloke a men health awareness charity that started when their brother and mate took his own life.
Catch up with Over The Fence Conversations on Apple Podcasts.